somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
