Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I wish I only lived at night.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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