Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
