she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
