His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
