How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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