The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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