Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
