Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
