if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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