How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
