I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize