EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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