I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
