Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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