I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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