yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
