I was born with a shot glass in my hand
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Mom said you looked used
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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