would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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