maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
