I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
