So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize
