have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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