i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
