I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
