i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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