just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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