He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
