Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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