you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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