I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize