I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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