Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize