legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
