You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
this just has baby written all over it
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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