Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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