how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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