remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
