i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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