Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
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I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
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We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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