i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
