Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
