i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
