Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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