We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
