Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
