I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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