if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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