Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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