I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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