I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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