Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
