allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
