You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
