I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We left the knife in your bed.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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