Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
