I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am naked and annoyed.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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