I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
