I'm so fucking centered right now
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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