she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
