I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
