Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
